2025
We’re five weeks in — one third of the season gone — and the standings are finally starting to take shape. It’s pretty plain to see who's good, who's bad, and who's ugly. The Squid Game has been officially cut in half, Garrett has moved back up into the top of the standings, but with five teams nipping at his heels, a shake-up is bound to happen. Let’s dive into the week 5 action.
Garrett (133.02) def. Scarpitti (90.24)
We have to start here. You couldn’t script a more contentious week for Scarpitti. If you missed the novel dropped in the group chat, here’s the TLDR: his whole lineup was cooked. Literally, his entire roster was either injured or on bye. We’ve never seen the likes of it – Lamar, Evans, Bijan, Metcalf, London, Warren, Odunze... all out. Scarps was in full scramble mode, tossing trade offers like Oprah handing out cars — you get a trade! You get a trade! You get a trade! — Frantically trying to field a legal lineup. Against all odds, he managed to get it done… and ultimately put up a decent week. Respect. Sam Darnold, fresh off the waiver wire, exploded for 37.6 points and snagged the Sheriff Bonus, which singlehandedly kept Galaxy from total humiliation. But unfortunately, in the end, it wasn’t enough. As expected, Scarps posted the lowest score of the week and is officially eliminated from the Squid Game. Meanwhile, Garrett keeps rolling. Egbuka (29.8) went off, Josh Allen stayed in MVP form, and Anderton’s Revenge sits alone atop the mountain at 4–1, the clear team to beat.
Anthony (125.82) def. Coyne (101.54)
Coming in at 1-3 and desperate to build momentum, Coyne needed a W to get his season back on track. Instead, Panty waved the finger in his face. No, not that finger, the Dikembe Mutombo finger. Well, maybe both, I guess. Jonathan Taylor dropped his third 30-burger of the season, Sam LaPorta reminded everyone that he can still put up TE1 numbers, and Panty puts up another statement victory. He climbs to 3-2 while Coyne slides to 1-4.
Greg (124.20) def. Scotty (103.04)
Deer Hunter had his sights locked in on Scotty this week. JSN was fire with 132 yards and a tuddy, while McCaffrey was straight gas. We all passed on this dude thinking he was washed, old, or cooked, but nah — CMC is still him. He’s the RB2 on the season, and his receiving numbers alone would make him a top-six WR. SMH. Scotty’s squad, on the other hand, was giving mid. Just basic vibes all around. No riz, no drip, nothing hitting. When your kicker’s the only one doing numbers, that’s an L. Scotty’s lineup is low-key trash, and Greg’s team is on one, no cap.
Hayden (152.42) def. Graham (109.62)
Hayden finally flipped the switch in week 5. Going from the worst scoring team in the league to nearly... well, he’s still the worst, but it was a good week. Justin Fields (29.9) and Ja’Marr Chase (28.0) looked unstoppable, and out of nowhere, Rico Dowdle posted 34.9 points. If not for a goose egg from Ertz, Hayden would have easily taken the week’s high score. Graham got the usual from Mahomes and Puka, but the rest of his squad looked hungover from last week’s shootout. Hayden moves up to 2-3, proving that “Maybe Garbage” might actually mean “Mildly Good.” Graham drops from the top slot into 2nd place at 3-2.
Gangus (152.76) def. Schilling (91.70)
For the third time in five weeks, Schilling drew the league’s top scorer — though at this point, it hardly matters because his team is dust. Hurts and Jefferson did their thing, but the rest of the lineup was straight cheeks... sending two more players to the IR. What was once a fearsome fantasy juggernaut has now devolved into a weekly layup. On the flip side, Gangus unleashed the beasts. Baker went full gunslinger, and Kyren Williams and Javonte were a two-headed monster. Gangus climbs to 3–2 and rising fast, while Schilling’s just staring at his trophy shelf, reminiscing about the good old days when fantasy football didn’t make him sad.
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